Let me preface this with, first, I went back and forth about writing this post, and second, my intention is not to scare people nor create a society of mistrust. In fact, I am a very (sometimes too much so) trusting person.
I wrote most of this post after I went to a child abuse training program (Darkness to Light---excellent info) for a college course I'm taking. To complete a large and involved college project, I am in the midst of compiling child abuse statistics and information, as well as working with a local child advocacy center. I compartmentalize all of it and go on to my other tasks; my other projects.
However, when I read *this article* about child abuse in schools, I felt compelled to post this information. The article verified what I already learned in my 'Darkness to Light' training...
The Facts
*** That perpetrators of sexual abuse often go unnoticed, or brushed under the rug.
*** When abusers go unnoticed, their background lacks vital information for future employment and child-related volunteering; therefore, they will continue to work with children. Sure, run a background check on Mr. So & So, he might be a child molester but he lacks a criminal history. And the unfortunate truth is that these abusers will seek out positions of employment, or volunteer-ism, to be near children.
*** Those same perpetrators have no hope of recovery or assistance without the recognition of their problem. Without victims, their advocates, or the public, confronting and forcing them to realize their problem, they will continue to abuse children.
Educate Yourself And that's where education and knowledge comes in. When I went through the training, the instructor informed us that each of us would prevent 10 abuses from occurring just from our own knowledge of the issue and sharing the information. I am sharing it here. Share it with others.
Often in our society, child abuse, and especially sexual abuse, is not a topic of open discussion. Yes, we know it occurs, but it's as if we feel it's an inevitable part of our society-----one that doesn't afflict our inner-circle. Yet even if we are fortunate enough to have not gone through it ourselves, it does affect us all----as a society. And, in reality, it is widespread, and the statistics are mind boggling. Think about the numbers that follow. Think about the effects of these numbers. One victim estimated that she spent over $100,000 in therapy to overcome her childhood abuse. And therapy is the positive approach, for often the victims of child abuse go on to be abusers themselves; or alcoholics, drug abusers, criminals; all disorders that drain our society. It truly affects us all.
Now I am aware of the problem and what I can do as a responsible adult and parent to help prevent it.
Stewards I respect the 'Darkness to Light' philosophy: that as adults, we have a responsibility to children---we are all stewards of children. In the past, the focus on sexual abuse prevention was geared towards children (eg. "good touch, bad touch"), however, children (especially very young children), do not have the social framework, nor the maturity, to know what is acceptable behavior. This new philosophy focuses on adults preserving the one childhood our children have, whether it is our own children, or the children in our circle of life.
Statistics
- 1 in 4 females, and 1 in 6 males will be a reported victim of sexual child abuse.
- Most child victims never report their abuse.
- 80% of victims are abused by someone they know---- family members, or trusted family friends.
- 80% of sexual abuse occurs in a one-on-one situation between an adult and a child.
- 1 in 5 children are sexually solicited on the Internet.
- 70 - 80% of sexual abuse survivors use drugs or alcohol abusively as adults.
- Our prisons and mental facilities are filled with child abuse victims.
- Most child abusers actively seek out situations that allow for abuse-----therefore, they might become teachers, coaches, youth group leaders, etc.
Prevention
- Keep an open dialog always with your children from an early age on about their bodies----that means using anatomically correct names for their body parts and modeling good care of your own body. Tell kids that it is "against the rules" for adults to touch them in an inappropriate way (this means you will need to inform them of what is appropriate and inappropriate). Tell them that adults should not force them into uncomfortable situations.
- Tell your children about secrets; that there are good secrets and bad secrets. Good secrets are things like birthday gifts and fun surprises, and it's acceptable to keep these secrets from parents, for the sake of fun. Bad secrets are ones that make someone feel really bad. Tell them that when an adult asks them to keep a bad secret from their parents it's not okay (***the use of secrets is often how abusers set up their victims). **I also think about family secrets here----like how uncle so-and-so likes to drink beer through his nose and it's embarrassing to share with others... There's discretion to consider. I think kids know when something is a "bad" secret (more so than adults). I really focused on this part of the information----any time another adult asks a child to keep a secret from a parent, especially a secret that isn't a fun or a positive one, I think it's cause for alarm.
- Try to avoid situations in which children and adults are one-on-one----especially where someone cannot quickly check in on a child. Just be aware...
- Follow your instincts and instill this belief in your children. The older I get, the more I realize my instincts are right on. If a situation doesn't feel right, error on the side of follow-through, even if it means putting yourself out.
- Know that abusers often place themselves in situations where they are around children--- be aware.
- If you're in doubt about someone but you don't have proof, make it known to that person that you are checking up on children. For instance, if you have a question in your mind about an adult, give the adult cause for alarm. Tell the adult that you will be "stopping by" anytime or that the facility you work for has zero tolerance for inappropriate relationships-----perhaps you might mention you have been involved in a past situation where abuse occurred and you are hyper-sensitive about it. Remember that abusers often seek out situations that are the easiest for them to identify and abuse victims-----as an adult, make it difficult for them. Make them worried.
I realize this is not whimsical and fun reading here. I know it might seem insurmountable and beyond the scope of our lives. However, I hope by that relaying some of this information, one less child will be a victim of abuse.
