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The Morning Routine.

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The morning after a family birthday. Only the alarm beckons consciousness----a sharp ringing nearby that my brain quickly develops a story around. Because now, it's the ringing of a shop-keeper; my dream-soaked self glancing up at the clock on the wall of a dreamy urban apothecary, wondering why they chose such an irritating chime. I'm too engrossed in the beautifully back-lit jars to heed the annoying ringing nearby. But alas, the ringing continues and with a wink of one eye I'm drawn into the morning by the blurry red numbers, like two red eyes of a morning dragon.

Last night's Thai food smells still fill the air. This lingering scent is a bit odd for the morning but still pleasant, a small gift of recollection.

A pair of lounge pants sit crumpled by the bed and I pull them on leg by leg. My ever present old cat is curled up in the highest rent space of the bed and snoring peacefully. Ah, the life of a cat.

Because of spring's increasing presence, I find another bug in the bathroom. This time, it's a black stink bug walking lock-step across the linoleum floor. I never noticed how oddly similar their movements are to a bear's, or at least what we as children used to think was the "bear crawl." The bug is released into the cold morning outside-----a morning of unusually overcast grayness.

In the kitchen, far too many dishes are still spread over the counter and the dishwasher is full of clean dishes to put away this morning. One plate reluctantly still holds the burnished grains of rice from last night's curry. It's all dried up but still glistening. Not very appetizing now, however.

Kids come pouring out of their room, their own little toga blankets wrapped around them. They sit in their morning daze at the kitchen table, waiting expectantly. Ah, the life of a child. Cereal is poured, milk over-fills a bowl (an unexpected treasure for a cat later) and muffled munching fills the kitchen. Our pug dog quickly finds a spare bit of blanket on the floor and wraps his chubbiness into a ball and soon is snoring. Ah, the life of a dog.

I go about filling the compartments of lunch. It's a routine that brings on my day----my first need for contemplation but not too intricate, a slow progression into the day.

The morning routine quickly picks up pace as the hands of the clock reach upwards calling for children to pull on clothes, de-snaggle hair, and brush teeth. The usual monologue: "No, not that..." "But my favorite pants are dirty!" "Did you brush your teeth?...." After checking them, "Go do it again" "Ack, your hair has a big knot in the back...." "OUCH!"...

And onward until we all leave like a swirling tornado of backpacks, lunches, coats, hats, mittens, last-minute running back in for books, fighting over tangled belongings in the backseat... But soon the van pulls onto the road, a book on CD playing, a son knitting, a daughter drawing, and into the world we go...

Moss Green Purse.

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I added this purse to the shop today.

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I'm working on adding a couple knitting bags next... Maybe even a linen shirt!

I want to...

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Dreams. Goals. Prospects. Ideas. They fill my head these days. As always.

I'm still searching for a job and still holding onto the belief that I'll find a job that makes it possible for the kids & I to survive financially.

However secretly, I also worry that that kind of job that will simultaneously squelch my other dreams, as well as my energy to parent the way I want. Will I continue to have the drive to be creative when I'm working full-time in addition to single parenting?

And what of finishing college? A Master's Degree? What about becoming a social worker, which I had finally settled on.

And then there are other dreams. Like writing a book. A story is still swirling in my head but the spinning hasn't quite slowed down enough yet for me to extract the whole tale. One day, I'm sure.

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And climbing mountains. That mountain up there, on the left, I want to climb it this summer. Before you conjure up any notions that this is some heroic feat comparable to something Jon Krakauer might write about (one of my favorite authors for so many years now, by the way), this mountain is climbed by 10 year olds yearly!! My 50++ year old Mom climbs it each summer, too. My son will probably beat me to the top in half the time, I'm sure. But still, I really am a Vo2 challenged person and I think this will be quite an accomplishment for me.

Though I realize life has a way of settling itself out, I also know that sometimes those dreams have a way of settling just past one's reach. I guess in writing them all out, I still keep them close by me...secure.

Like Christmas all over again.

When I opened up the mailbox yesterday, I found a big package of fun crammed in it. A wonderful Mom residing in Japan offered to pick up a few Bento supplies for me a while back.

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I love, love, love swapping and barter so I offered to make her daughter a linen smock. I had meant to wait to share all of these wonderful goodies until her package was on its way around the globe but I just couldn't wait!

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The kids used two of these little Bento boxes for their lunches today. We marveled at their smaller size than our regular Laptop Lunchboxes. It really does put our portion sizes in persective. I uploaded these photos to my Flickr photostream with notes to describe what some of the items are/do...

Contact the press!

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My son knitted his way through one whole ball of yarn!! He has eight inches of garter stitched goodness to his credit so far. As we drive to and from school with a book on CD propelling us along, I now expect to see him knitting in the backseat, a look of peace and contentment on his face. It truly warms my heart. Of course, it does have its drawbacks, such as his forgetting his lunch today because of his focus on bringing his knitting along.

More things warming my heart...

**This segment of Speaking of Faith. In a time of my life where I could easily slip into bitterness and anger over unfair events, listening to these two compelling advocates of peace speak of turning their own sadness and anger into compassion and understanding is heartening for me.

A Spring Sale.

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Even though we woke to a powdering of snow yesterday, the day quickly melted it away and the sun shone down uneffected by this slight insult to her growing power. I'm feeling those hints of spring, the sun's slow triumph over the dark of winter.

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I put the Winter's Whimsy Linen Tote Bag on sale in my Etsy Shop. Though she's still just as cute as can be, I decided it was time for a spring sale.

Between resume tweaking, gift building, a fundraising project for my kids' school, and an embroidery lesson this week, I plan on adding a couple little somethings to my Etsy shop. Knitting Bags? Embroidered pieces? We shall see...

A Baby Hat. And Bib.

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Onto better things... Like crafts! My niece had a baby two months ago, and while I had a few things planned for her, I didn't actually finish them. Until today. When I found out she was in town. I finished one of my go-to infant knitted hats: the best ever infant baby present (the pattern is in this post and also follows in the extended text).

And a bib. Even though it was very simple, I loved the way it turned out. I just embroidered the flower using my free-motion embroidery foot and bit of wool felt. The flower design is a repeat from the fabric pattern on the back.

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Again, I was reminded of my goal long ago to have a few little baby presents on hand for that special little baby that enters the world and needs a bit of handmade goodness for their journey. Nothing's better than that.

Sewing Resources: Bend the Rules Sewing

Continue reading "A Baby Hat. And Bib." »

The Talk.

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My husband & I sat the kids down for the "talk" tonight. It was a discussion of their future with parents that are divorced but still entirely involved in their lives. Perhaps you grew up with the talk, perhaps you were lucky enough not to.

I felt such grattitude for our counselor who compassionately explained to us what children want to know during the talk and what shouldn't be a part of this next step in their lives (such as previous extra-marital partners who played a largely negative role in the current situation).

I felt our counselor's kind guidance and hand-holding as we tiptoed our way through the sadness and anxiety in the air, holding us tight around that circular kitchen table. I thought of his explanation that people always remember the talk, well into their adulthood. It's one of those things that imprint upon our memories and subconsciously play a part for the rest of our lives. Not always is the talk a negative thing, for sometimes it's a lifeline out of a really bad situation. I can't say I feel this way about our situation, but I do feel that we're now walking into a whole new world.

Strange, the talk was a bit like the ending of one of those movies that work their way backwards; like we had been moving to this point and the only chapter left was the talk. Well, that movie is over now.

Hanging in there.

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Still processing. And applying. A new job prospect that provides enough income to take care of my kids & I AND includes health insurance coverage! Sigh, I'm crossing my fingers & my toes...

The power of support.

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Thank you for all of your kindness and sharing. My fingers typing away at the keyboard cannot contain the gratitude I feel after receiving your heartfelt words, prayers, and thoughts.

I know I'm not alone in this journey. Like Kate mentioned, it's a sisterhood with many members... unfortunately. And I realize now with Lara's comment that I'm not only grieving my children's loss but my own loss of the idyllic picture of family that I held firm to.

But I also recognize I cannot control others----we all have our own paths in life, our own hurdles to overcome, and our own reasons for making the decisions we do. Sure, it's not fair. Sure there will be many, many days of frustration I'll endure wondering why this had to happen to me. Yes, in my own opinion the decisions my husband made were less than ideal, but it's not something I can control. I know all of this. Like I wrote in that post, I think acceptance and letting go will be my most difficult challenge.

429754881_48a8d911ee_t And life goes on... Please do watch the skies tonight for the Lunar Eclipse at approximately 7 PM PST. I've always been fascinated with the moon, dating back to my childhood and watching in awe as a harvest moon lifted up over the trees, immense and so golden just like my childhood stories of the moon made of cheese. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of moonlit nights wandering the local fields in late summer with the smell of fresh cut hay, the sounds of the night, and the full moon so bright that I was accompanied on my outings by my long shadow. So, tonight my kids & I will watch the skies for something bigger and better than our current problems...

Further Reading:

--Surviving Separation and Divorce

--In Praise of Single Parents

--Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be (thank you, Bean!)

The Moon:

--In the Light of the Moon

Hello and Welcome.

  • "There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."

    ~Edith Wharton

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