Berlin's Whimsy

A Midsummer Night's Dream.

I stand on the edge of change. Though I don't know it for fact, I feel it in my heart and I'm moving that direction... I ponder employment possibilities and an upcoming move into our own house. Stepping out into the world anew, it's what I dream about this midsummer.  

At this moment, midsummer, I'm full of these contemplations and dreams. Dreams of varying possibilities tied to circumstances. Sometimes it all seems so convoluted, like the Shakespearean play that shares this post's title. Very much unlike the play, however, my complications are devoid of romantic interests, by the way. 

In Shakespeare's A Midsummer Nights Dream, a magical flower plays a pivotal role in developing a character's love. At this point in my life, the flowers I receive come from my kids and I'm fairly certain that any magical qualities stem from the sweetness of intent for which they are given.

I receive my flowers and I place them in jars and marvel at my children's love. I also sit amongst the colors in the beds from whence the flowers come and I dream lazily in this midsummer heat-----dreams of possibilities and wondering what lies ahead for me.

**We're heading for our familiar coast for this week but I'll share some midsummer photos & thoughts all week long...

Tadpoles.

I grew up catching tadpoles in nearby ditches and ponds and setting them aside to miraculously transform into frogs.

We would dip our hands in the dirty ditch water and come up with a slimy little tadpole which we plunked into a waiting and clean pickle jar. The murky jar would sit on our counter and life would evolve within its glass walls----for all the world to witness. We were fascinated by them.

And I still am.

My kids have caught tadpoles up in the local high mountain lakes but never "raised" them like I did. They were so surprised to find that just down the driveway they could catch some of these wriggly little creatures for themselves.

Again I marvel at how much I forget from my childhood. I cannot remember what we fed our tadpoles in those big pickle jars. Nowadays we have the internet to answer such queries and found that they love plain old lettuce.

In fact, they munch little holes in the lettuce leaves and we can actually listen to them munching at the top of the water's surface.

They're only just sprouting their tiny legs now.

Ah, thank goodness for kids who let us old, forgetful adults into their worlds to remember bits of our own childhood...

Growing Up Online.

I watched the Frontline episode: Growing up Online with more than the usual amount of trepidation. It hits home for me since I maintain this blog and have made many online friends------friends that I don't know in real life. For me, my online experience has been a pleasure-----a positive corner of my life.

However, when I watched that show there were a couple moments that I considered closing the whole thing down because of the example I'm showing my kids. Watching the program's examples of the internet's influence over families gave me more than a few doubts of my own. However, I'm often one to overly worry, especially when it comes to my children. I watched the program a few weeks ago and have slowly weighed it all out since then. I'm still unsure about blogging and especially children living online but I also believe in my kids. Parents face many obstacles these days but I believe that a good dose of good old-fashioned communication and judgment takes a child far in the world. 

I will continue to encourage our "unplugged" family time for I think it balances out the virtual.

And without the internet entirely, my kids wouldn't be able to giggle and laugh and virtually see their friends back on the coast.

**What about you? What do you think? I would love to hear from other mother bloggers and how you weigh it all out... Have you watched this Frontline program? (You can view it from the link above)...

Hope, Relief & a new Favorite

The tiniest bit of relief and hopeful thoughts are creeping into my life. And more than a smile, it brings tears of relief and even a bit of empathy for myself (almost a third person observation) for what I have gone through-------I wouldn't wish this past year on anyone. I realize there are people going through far worse situations the world over but it's been tough all the same. I haven't shared most of the gory details here but suffice it to say I didn't realize how the continuous bad news and let downs had settled upon me like a dreadful cape, something I expected. How sad is that.

Ah, but I prepared a new recipe for dinner tonight. It was a quiet sit down, just the three of us, and I couldn't share with my kids what was on my mind----nor can I here. But the wheels are slowly turning forward, propelled by time and differing motivations, and for the first time in a long while I see the top of this grueling mountain I've been climbing----the mountain that is ugly divorce. It's a long way off, and I'm not sure what I'll find on the other side, but I'm hopeful. Hopeful again.

On a lighter note, what is my new favorite recipe? Green Eggs and Ham-----or Pesto crepes with ham (pictured here). They are from Nigella Express. I'm a huge fan of both savory crepes and Nigella.

Have you checked out her book yet? If not, you must. It is full of fun antidotes and great family-friendly recipes----party popcorn, homemade pancake mix, granola bars, and lots of avocado... Mmmm! The pesto crepe recipe alone is worth the price of the book. It's simple, easy, tastes fabulous and kids love it!

My kids were skeptical when they saw this presentation of dinner tonight. I recognized the look: "Oh boy, Mom's trying to force us to eat another gourmet (pronounced "gor-met")/weird meal!!" They reluctantly took one bite and kept right on biting!

I'm Wilting.

I think I've mentioned it before, I don't like the heat. I don't like it when it gets hot. I become grumpy and sweaty. Tag me with a capital 'W' for wimp and I'm completely okay with that----I'll wear it like a crown (as long as it doesn't make me feel any hotter)...

To even dream that I used to man a ranger booth in 100-degree temps and smile so pleasantly as I registered hundreds of campers on their merry way into the great outdoors is beyond my wildest hallucinations now. I don't know how I did it without turning into a man-eating grizzly bear... I think those campers would find a pile of sweat if I were to try it now.

So, you can imagine my dismay at trying to work on some of my wool projects right now.

You see, I was immediately smitten with this book: Knit One, Embellish Too by Cosette Cornelius-Bates and felt compelled to pull out some of my hand-spun wool. Just a simple hat to knit so I could try out this embellishment stuff---that's all I asked! No go, it's just too hot.

Even so, the book is a keeper and so are all of Cozy's designs  (go take a look, though you might need to be a Ravelry member for that link). Or you can visit her blog to view more of her work. Her artwork in yarn is amazing and so inspirational for me----it's embroidery with yarn which combines two of my favorites.

But remind me of this come late September when the temps start to subside. In fact, now that those true summer temperatures have settled in for a good dose of comfort squelching, I'm beginning to dream of a migration to Antarctica-----I'll knit every Empire Penguin their own sweater. Or Canada----is it cool up there?? Just tempt me with a snowball and I'm there!

A Sailor's Life for Me.

It was a beautiful weekend, even without much crafting and some scorching hot temperatures.

 

We escaped to the nearby mountains for some cool breezes...

...to fill those crisp sails, so striking against the natural splendor of the area. Thanks to the generosity of a friend, we enjoyed a whole day out on her wonderful sailboat. 

My experience on boats is limited and I have never went sailing before. I didn't realize how much I'd love it. But I do.

There is something so magical about the wind filling those sails----the anticipation after a wisp of wind, the excitement of a gust, the eventual movement and tipping against the wind... There's also a feeling of connection to a distant past...

It's not a surprise that my kids loved it, too. My daughter swam around and around the boat in the icy cold water. My son was entranced by the boat itself, even having an opportunity to "drive" it.

 

One of my brothers was in town long enough to enjoy the day with us... Yes, this is part of sailing, too----dropping anchor and relaxing...

Behind the Screen.

I meant to write a post about how far behind I feel crafty-wise. I have crafty swaps to catch up on, Etsy reshipping to take care of (due to my own error in shipping weights), 40th birthdays to catch up on with many of my friends (are we ALL turning 40 this year?), family obligations, legal stuff...

And a newfound focus on my own well-being and health...

This post is about all of those things and more. It's a little glimpse behind the curtains of this blog, if you will.

This blog has always been my place to focus on the positives in my life and I'm reticent to discuss many of the negative aspects of it right now. But honestly, I haven't been coping as well as I wish I was. This doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me in real life as I probably seem sad, distant, and not myself. Yes, I get out of bed everyday, I care for my kids, we have fun with our projects and enjoy the summer, I make food, we have dinners together and we talk... I do all of those things. But when things slow down, I wade around hip deep in a sludge of self-pity, frustration, fear, and sadness.

But a few difficult hurdles have been crossed... While with our kids, I ran into my estranged husband walking hand-in-hand down the street with his young girlfriend. I didn't know if I should laugh because he looked like her father or cry at the absurdity of it all.

At the end of September my divorce is final and I turn 40. Ah, the irony. If it's the universe's idea of a joke, I'm not laughing----at least not yet.

One of my friends points out the "gift" in all of this. The gift of liberation from someone who obviously didn't respect nor care for me and the opportunity to blossom into my full potential. After hearing my story of this past year, she laughs and tells me: "this is your book"----my future book. Ah, but right now the words are still lost somewhere in that sludgy water---I'll wait for it to clear up a bit to search for them.

A counselor once told me that I cannot control all aspects of my life----bad things happen, they just do. When we discussed my children, she pointed out that perhaps part of my children's life's work is to overcome their parent's divorce----that it was inevitable. Being one who attempts to orchestrate things the way they should be----fair-----her words were a lesson. I can only open the door for my children's lives----I cannot walk along their paths with them, brushing aside the obstacles the whole way.... I'll be on the side, applauding their growth...

I feel I have a bit more clarity now. I'm playing catch up and focusing my positive thoughts, beliefs, and dreams in my family's future in each part of my day---each loop I knit, each circle I hook, each vegetable I chop, each step I take, each yoga position I practice, each breath I take. It's the positive intention that counts-----the positive intention of moving forward and recognizing the pain and sadness and then letting it go...

**Resources---

For anyone interested, this episode of Oprah (Children of Divorce Reveal Their Secret Thoughts) is very informative about children and divorce. The guest's book, Helping Kids Cope With Divorce The Sandcastle's Way is one of my favorites on this tough topic.

Chicken Chronicles: Overheard

A crow. Two crows, in fact. One a surprise and the other long awaited. What? Two roosters in our flock? We thought we had researched our chickens a week ago and determined that they were all hens except for our Macho!

Alas, amateur chicken farming presents another suprise-----a surprise because the least likely of our feathered friends must certainly be a rooster: Pi. Pi, as in the chicken who is the most timid, cuddly, and endearing of our flock. Could Pi really be a rooster?

Well, I'm the one that witnessed the pivotal event. I was outside enjoying my morning coffee and I heard a strange sound come from Pi's direction. I figured it was because she was alone and calling out to her flock. When I turned to check on her, however, I noticed she was on top of a low fence. No sooner did I look in her direction but she stretched out her neck and crowed up towards the sky, for all of us to hear. It wasn't the crow from movies, though---full pitched and proud----no, this crow was more scratchy and timid. It took a bit for my brain to register what her noise meant----I wondered what our dear little Pi was doing?! Does she have a bug in her throat? 

And then, as Pi hopped down from his perch, he continued to crow periodically. It was an odd sight because he almost seemed to do it involuntarily. Almost like instinct was playing out before my eyes.

My kids didn't witness Pi's instantaneous sex-change, so they're still a little ambivalent about this new reality. Tomorrow, we'll watch for more crowing.

Oh, and Macho crowed today, too. Same kind of sound but coming from a physically obvious rooster. We were expecting that!

Cars Tell Stories.

Relics from the past. VWs played a leading role in my younger life. We had three different VW Bugs and three VW Buses throughout the years. Their faded metal skeletons still occupy space in my memories and my childhood home.

My Dad had a favorite shop bug that he loaned out to his customers----until my brother rolled it off the road one night while trying to avoid a jack rabbit. I remember his frantic knocking on my door in the middle of the night to tell me the news since our parents were out of town.  Ah, adolescence!

My husband's old t-shirt still hangs across the seat on his old VW Bug. Behind this seat are two big speakers----the only thing they produce now are memories. This bug sits barren and unused amongst the sagebrush. Some of these photos were taken because someone might want to fix up that old bug and transform it into a hot rod...

I wonder what Pearl thinks of this idea? That was her name---Pearl----given to her by the converted hippie couple who sold her to us-----they had outgrown her as they began to raise a family in the suburbs with new priorities.

I grew up around cars and cars tell stories. I know because these cars hold a lot of my own.

Summer Savory Rhubarb Soup.

Our rhubarb has reached its full glorious potential.

We made rhubarb pie and I plan on making something with one of my favorite flavor combinations, strawberry & rhubarb. But the other day, I wondered about savory rhubarb recipes. That's where the May edition of Cooking Light proved quite handy. Not only did it contain a version of the recipe below but it also contained instructions about freezing rhubarb. 

I realize it is summer and it might be way too hot to even contemplate soup right now, but if you can stand to turn on your stove-top long enough to whip up this soup, it makes for a nice cool soup with a dollop of yogurt or creme fraiche. A lovely evening meal outside when the heat dissipates.

Lentil-Rhubarb Savory Soup

• 1 1/2 C. boiling water
• 3/4 C. lentils

Soak the lentils in the boiling water while you prepare the remaining ingredients:

• 2 C. chopped carrots
• 1 3/4 C. chopped celery
• 1 1/2 C. chopped onion
• 1 C. finely chopped rhubarb
• 4 C. water
• 2 T. Better-than-Bouillon Chicken Base (or vegetable base)
• 1 T. tomato paste
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/4 C. parsley--divided
• black pepper to taste
• 6 T. sour creme, yogurt, or creme fraiche

Mix the 4 C. water with the chicken base and whisk to combine-----if you don't have this base, you can use chicken stock or just plain water. Note: I love this base because it's handy for the times I don't have homemade chicken stock in the freezer and it tastes much better than canned stock. It comes in various flavors and organic versions, too.

Heat a dutch oven over medium heat and add 2 T. olive oil. Saute onion, carrot, and celery for about 4 minutes, or until a little soft. Add the rhubarb and half the parsley and continue sauteing for a bit longer. Drain lentils and add them to the pan. Add the chicken base and salt and bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 25 minutes or until the lentils are tender.

Cool the soup a bit and serve with a sprinkling of parsley and a dollop of yogurt, sour creme, or creme fraiche.

Happy weekend!