Berlin's Whimsy

Listening...

I do a lot of listening. What I hear....

Nigella Lawson... I listened to her velvety voice this morning. She was discussing her newest cookbook and simple recipes for the holidays on NPR. Oh, but she could have been explaining the intricacies of rewiring a toaster oven or unplugging the kitchen sink and it would have sounded just as provocative. She has that kind of voice. The kind that makes me want to ensconce myself in the kitchen with every kind of rich and wonderful ingredient I can find and produce the richness of flavor her voice evokes. I want to be like Nigella. Not that I ever could be. But in my next life, I'll come back as Nigella Lawson, wielding my lusty voice like a bottle of white truffle oil. For now, I'll put her newest cookbook on my wishlist.

Coventry Carol...My partner loves this song. It is quite enchanting and my son is learning to play it on the piano. Its beguiling tune fills the house each afternoon, invoking a pause in my household activities to listen.

Typing... My typing. I have a large and cumbersome final project to finish before this Thursday. My fingers have typed up 25 pages of a psychology analysis so far and many more are slated for today.

Whipping... What I want to hear: the whipping up of butter and sugar for holiday baking and the chattering of my family during the holiday season. It's what I love about this time of year. Soon, I tell myself. When my homework is finished and my college quarter is complete.

What do you hear?

Talking about Coldplay. Uh huh.

I guess I'm in another phase of discovery. I'm finding my own way, in my own house, in my own life, and trying to determine what this new life is and who I am within it. My days are spent completing chores and obligations but it's all underneath a multi-colored veil of rediscovery and reevaluation.

Outside of my inner work---- out there in the real world---- I'm making new discoveries, too.  

Like how much I enjoy music---my music. Bands and genres that my ex turned his nose up at. I guess I also felt that music was his thing because he always seemed to enjoy it more than I did. Perhaps it was the kind of music he was listening to----not always my thing.

For instance, I'm probably the last person alive to really "discover" the band, Coldplay. Oh yes, I heard their music before, but only for the briefest moment before the song was skipped by my ex (or some other guy in the room). I've heard their criticisms (they're "mainstream" and "overplayed") but I enjoy their music (plus I love it that they sew). I could have pursued their music---any music----but I didn't. But my typical musical likes are   'The Wailin' Jennys',  'Po Girl', and Be Good Tanyas. I've only recently found Kimya Dawson. And I'm also still musing over extending my musical abilities myself (harp?)...

So what's the big deal? Why talk about rock bands and music? Well, it's indicative of the changes within me. I'm slowly discovering myself again after having spent much of my life identifying myself as my husband's wife. And this self-discovery stuff takes up a lot of my time right now----time that I used to spend sewing and crafting. Preoccupied and distracted. I know my creativity will come again, but for right now, I'm allowing myself this time to discover and be present with who I am.