Berlin's Whimsy

let go or be dragged.

I am experiencing a lot of illumination in my life.

Interesting how one conversation and another person's similar experiences and perspective can change everything. It's as if I was looking north all this time--- looking for the path through a disorienting fog--- and really all I needed was someone to grab me by the shoulders and point me south. For, all of a sudden with that shift, the clouds cleared and a shining beam of light not only illuminated my path forward but also the path behind me and all that confusion and creepiness was moved into the light-- in full view for me to examine.

And what I came to accept is that sometimes you cannot understand or make sense of things. Of people and their actions. You never will. Sometimes, you cannot fully comprehend them. Sometimes, they can't, either. And you know what, it's not your job to do so. And that's my lesson--- to let go. For if we don't learn the lessons that our lives present us with, we will make the same mistakes over and over, looking for the truth.

I added the zen proverb to my sidebar: "Let go or be dragged." I finally let go. 

 

Celebrating the Now.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to take the time to stop the ever forward movement of our lives long enough to celebrate the milestone that click by along the way. My life is often a hectic flurry of doing the things that are right before me, demanding attention. Often, my hands are so busy with other things that I don't use them to pat my loved ones, and myself, on the back.

So, I'm trying to make a concerted effort to stop. Take a breath. Notice. And celebrate.

 
This year, my son began high school. Adolescence seems to bring on a whole new level of speed by which your children grow up and away. Believe me. For here is my son--- as impish and charming as ever--- yet the future young man is so very quickly taking shape. I can't stop it. Yes, before I know it, he will embark on his own life. If ever there was a time to remind myself to embrace each day with my children, it is now. Savor the moments, I tell myself. Over and over.

Thankfully, I have others who remind me of this, too. Recently, my son won academic awards at his school. It was a night I won't forget. Sitting on the rooftop of his school, as the sun went down behind the awards podium, his name was called. Twice. And we weren't expecting it. The sweetest of all, was the special English & Literature Award he received from his teacher, along with a very flattering letter. Later, at home, P said to me, "Amber, these are the times to celebrate. Savor this moment." And though I was enjoying it all, I hadn't really stopped to take notice---- not in that way of reflecting on all these years of parenting and the years ahead, and thinking this is a night to cherish. This moment.

 
This summer, I finish up the first part of my educational goals. No, I'm not done, but it's a transition from one school to another. I look back on these quarters of school---- all those classes---- and allow myself a little pride in my accomplishments. I've primarily received good grades, but those math classes have been a challenge for me. Slowly but surely, I've plugged away at learning what felt like a foreign language to me, and this term I received an A in math. A major milestone!  And this time, I'm allowing myself a little time to recognize what I've accomplished. What we've all accomplished. And it feels good.

Neighborly Almonds--- savory almond recipe

I am fortunate in the neighbor department. I've had so many kind neighbors. Sure, I've had some doozies, too---- like the crazy guy who ran up and down the street threatening people with a chainsaw (true story); but for the most part, my neighbors have meant so much to me. They brighten my day with a wave, they bring over treats, they provide a positive constant in the place where you want to feel the coziest and safest, your home.

On New Year's Day, one of our neighbors brought over some black-eyed peas and corn bread for luck; along with a little note describing the story behind the tradition.

Before Christmas, he gave us some savory roasted almonds. We couldn't stop eating them! Thankfully, my neighbor explained how he makes them and I made my own version; though I don't think my version does his any justice. But they're good, all the same!

Try them and I'm sure you'll like them. And if you want to share a little with your neighbor, all the better!

 
Neighborly Almonds

3 C. raw Almonds

1/3 C. stir-fry or teriyaki sauce (I used Classic Stir-Fry Sauce)

2 T. grainy mustard

2 T. sherry

2 drops liquid smoke

Method: In a bowl, whisk together the coating (all ingredients but the almonds). Add the almonds and stir until the almonds are coated. Leave them in the bowl for an hour, stirring ocassionally. Preheat the oven to 200-degrees.

Pour the almonds onto a thick baking sheet and spread to one layer. Bake for 30 minutes, stir and rotate, and bake for another 30 minutes. Allow to cool on sheets. Store in an air-tight container. Enjoy & share!

 

A fall tradition...

 

Once again, my Mom and I traveled east to pick apples recently. It seems to be a fall tradition for the two of us. And once again, it was a glorious day. That golden fall light on the eastern valleys and slopes of Oregon can't be beat.

 

It's quite mesmerizing to travel those backroads and see the slower pace of life. It gathers my thoughts into visions of alternate lifestyles and the paths that lead each of us to where we land.  There are a lot of 'could have beens' in everyone's lives, huh?

 

Because of a scheduling snafu, the orchard was actually closed (!!), but the kind owner still allowed us to pick apples. We sat around on the bumper of my Mom's car, talking with this older gentleman about the area and his memories of how our own city has changed from his distant perspective. He reminded me of my grandfather. I felt the peace that always seemed to embrace me when I listened to my grandfather's stories of a time that seemed so much simpler. I felt a little envious of his life out by the orchard, within the quiet hills so far from the city. Ah, I'd probably grow weary of the solitude, though. Instead, I enjoyed the amount of time I had in that slow lifestyle; living in my dreams.

 

The apples were ready for picking and in no time at all, we had boxes of them! Ever since, I've been trying to find a place for them all. As I cut up apples for applesauce and peel them for drying, I still think about that beautiful trip with my Mom. What a fun tradition!

Would you cook for yourself?

Recently, I told a friend to take care of herself. Afterward, I thought about how the act of taking care of oneself is unique to each person. For me, it means food: miso soup, roasted veggies, tea, healthy food.... it's my usual diet on my own. However, with a family and a sometimes crazy schedule, my routine falls off kilter.  I recognize when my diet has been altered because my body lets me know in that run-down, achy feeling that overcomes me.

Do you cook for yourself? Sometimes, I'm so busy making breakfast and packing lunches for everyone else in the family, that I forget to eat. Come late morning, I find that I'm famished. In that state, I'm apt to stick whatever is nearby into my mouth to fill the void. I try to catch myself and remind: slow down and make something for yourself.

This morning, I made a little helping of polenta/grits, topped with eggs over-easy, garden tomatoes, and this homemade salsa. It was sooooo good! And filling, too.

While I ate by myself, I thought about the very act of eating alone; how eating is such a social activity for us humans. Sharing food innately forms bonds---- I think it's in our DNA somewhere. But what about when you're alone? I've read many reports about the decline in nutrition when one lives alone---- that we're not apt to cook for ourselves. 'Why bother?' seems to be the mentality. I can relate. Like I said, I have to remind myself to truly eat, rather than snack.

What if I was alone, though? Would I cook for myself? I think I possess enough interest in food and cooking that I probably would. I'm sure there are many cookbooks on this very subject.

I also thought about the single men I know---- the ones whose kitchens store extra computer parts and random screw drivers amidst dusty, unused kitchen appliances. They often eat out. I recently read some statistics on the negative repercussions for single men as they age--- the statistics formed a pretty grim picture. I guess in many ways we need each other---- and often food is the common bond. 

There are programs for the elderly, such as Meals-on-Wheels, but I'm not educated about their program---- does it include a social aspect? One of my college classmates worked for a program in which she was paid to travel to the homes of elderly folks to bring them to the regional library.  Besides the opportunity to borrow books and visit the library, the other perk to the program was sharing a lunch together. 

One of my favorite healthy snack books (Raw Energy) includes the author's recommendation of making something healthy for an elderly neighbor---- easily digestible fresh juice or a smoothie. What a nice surprise! Something to consider.

How about you? Would you cook for yourself?

A discussion about nutrition, choices, our School Lunch Program, and Jamie Oliver.

I am watching Jamie Oliver's television show, Food Revolution, with rapt attention. Having worked in a similar school cafeteria, I find the subject extremely interesting and relevant. Interesting because my opinion of the subject is in-line with Jamie Oliver's---- many of our schools need an overhaul of their nutritional offerings. In fact, I assert that we are raising young people to eat fast food---- to crave it.

I believe taste and food habits are developed. I believe that one of the "jobs" of childhood is developing one's palate--- food predispositions. Children are developing their likes and dislikes and learning the subtle nuances of food. Providing school children with processed food, laden with preservatives, fat, and sodium, on a regular basis raises them to crave it as an adult. To crave processed food.

School lunches are not the downfall of nutrition if they are offset by healthy meals and lifestyles at home. Unfortunately, that's not often the case. We're all busy. It's much too convenient to grab fast food, frozen pizzas, or some other processed item after a long day at work. I know, because I do it. However, it's not the norm in our household. It is the norm in some of the households that rely upon our school lunch program for their child's breakfasts and lunches. In fact, the school lunch program provides the most nutritious meal of the day for many, many children. But I believe it's not good enough.

I remember the meals that most of the children ate in the elementary school cafeteria where I worked: highly sugared cold cereal, pasteurized eggs from a bag (thawed from the freezer first), pork patties, frozen waffles with "syrup" (maple flavored high fructose corn syrup).  For lunch, we always offered hamburgers and chicken nuggets. There was an additional choice, but often the students went for the former two choices. They drank chocolate milk. As for fruit and vegetables, we offered a salad of iceberg lettuce with ranch dressing (the only choice), canned fruit (high-fructose corn syrup), and apples or bananas. At least there were those. One time, we offered kiwis but they were not cost effective.

I don't have an easy answer. I look at the struggle Jamie Oliver is dealing with and it overwhelms me. However, one of the strongest issues I have with the school lunch program is that children are allowed to choose between unhealthy offerings and healthy ones. When given a choice between a chicken nugget or a healthier option, they are going to choose the nuggets. As employees, we were not allowed to sway childrens' food decisions. Why?

In fact, when did our lunch program decide that children know what is nutritionally best for them? We don't allow children to choose between playing video games or doing their schoolwork, so why do we allow children to choose to eat unhealthy meals during their school day? That said, I believe in the concept of facilitating a child's sense of control over what enters their body, but give them healthy choices! Don't pit a healthier food item against fast food!

Again, there aren't any easy answers to this issue, nor the larger issue of childhood obesity. However, I believe that developing a healthy attitude and palate during childhood is one step in the right direction. I would like to see our school lunch program provide children with more nutritional options to promote this goal. I would like to see the program quit allowing children to choose unhealthy food. As for me, I'll continue to send nutritious lunches with my kids to school each day, like I have their entire school career.

More action:

Sign Jamie Oliver's petition here to save cooking skills and improve school food.

More Reading: 

Are School Lunches a National Security Threat (AP)

School Lunch Nutrition Worse than Fast Food (USA Today)

Old Hen Meat Fed to Pets and School Children (USA Today)

School Lunch Debate is in Session (op ed piece)

Fed up With Lunch Blog (she is eating and photographing the school lunch every day)

Will Work for Food, new Food Corps program (based on AmeriCorps)

Healthy, Hunger-free Kids Act of 2010 Bill explained in detail

Easter reflections.

Easter tiptoed into our lives this year. So much going on. At least I remembered to put out our Easter decorations (on Saturday). Many of these decorations sat in a box for three years. It is heartwarming to see them again, for many of them bring back memories of my children's younger years, as well as my own childhood.

I grew up with these little chicks and bunnies. My grandmother displayed them on a special table. I remember peering at these figurines longingly. Sometimes I touched them, but mostly I struggled to control the desire to hold and play with them---a big no no. One of the little bunnies still suffers from a fractured ear, haphazardly glued back on after my brother and I got too carried away.

So much has changed while these decorations were stored away. I'm happy to share the charm of them again. But my kids are growing up. Easter is one of those bittersweet holidays----a reminder of how old my kids have grown. There weren't any Easter egg hunts this year, for instance. In fact, they spent most of Easter with their Dad.

With the abundance of sugar and candy in all of our lives, I resolved to give my kids something more practical and healthy in their baskets. "Pants" made an excellent suggestion: how about giving them baskets full of fruits----- novelty fruits that we don't usually buy, such as coconuts. Cracking a coconut is always fun!

As for Easter egg dyeing, we enjoyed 'naturally' dyed eggs from our chickens. Those Araucana eggs are such a beautiful blue color.  

Easter would not be Easter for us without plenty of yummy food. I believe I found my favorite lemon bar recipe in The Grand Central Baking Book. I'm still enjoying this cookbook immensely. 

So, Easter is still Easter---good food, family, traditions---but it also reflects the years that have passed and the changes within those years. 

*** What to do with that fresh coconut? It is an excellent addition to smoothies. We might make this fresh coconut cake from Cooking Light. YUM!

Playing with Apples on my Birthday.

Every year around this time (admittedly my birthday), my Mom and I spend time together. This year, we spent a quiet day together traveling miles to the east to pick apples. 200 lbs of apples!

The day was enchanting.

The surroundings of Eastern Oregon are so vastly different from the hustle and bustle of my more populated home. Recalling the scenery of the day, I hold visions of antelope casually grazing alongside the road, a tanned and shirtless farmer walking through his green field, stately old farm houses perched along the winding John Day River, and always the captivating topography of the region towering over us. 

When I was young, my family made this trip out east to the orchards at Kimberly often. As a child, the drive held no more fascination than discovering more methods of annoying my brother in the backseat. Always, my brother and I arrived at the orchards tired, grumpy, and impatient. 

This time, I eagerly anticipated the orchards, wondering if I remembered them from my childhood.

The orchards are located in a canyon along the John Day River. The lush trees, heavy with fruit, seem unreal when compared to the neighboring parched and barren hillsides. 

The scenic byways of the region claim, "Journey Through Time," and admittedly the theme is accurate. Visiting the orchards, the small towns, the geological sites, is like traveling back into an earlier time in history.

After a few hours in the car, we checked in at the orchard's farm stand. I browsed the canned goods (apricot topping, danish cherries, organic applesauce...), tomatoes the size of small pumpkins, and the vast quantities of fruit. A small baby sat in a bouncy seat nearby as the older woman talked to my Mom. My Mom recounted one of our trips to the orchards so long ago, when my brother was a toddler. In an attempt to keep him occupied, she gave him a peach and he not only ate it but smeared it all over himself while sitting in the grass in the peach orchard. 

This time, we were lost in the orchards, both figuratively and literally. Underneath the trees, the light was fluttery, peeking through the leaves which rustled in a very subtle wind. It was quiet there. The only sound was the apples dropping from the trees. We marveled at their size and beauty and it didn't take long before our boxes and baskets were full.

And now I have boxes and boxes of apples.

Applesauce, dried apples, apple pie, apple turnovers, these apple squares, apple juice... The list of yummy things to make is long. So today, on my birthday, I will play with apples and remember the trip through time that brought them to me...

Carpe Diem.

Perhaps you've read this before; nonetheless, it's a great reminder. My son copied it and gave it to me. Telling? Perhaps...

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round

or listened to the rain slapping the ground?

 

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight

or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

 

You better slow down, don’t dance too fast,

Time is short, the music won’t last

 

Do you run through each day on the fly

When you ask ‘how are you?’ do you hear the reply?

When the day is done do you lie in your bed

with the next hundred chores running through your head?

 

You better slow down, don’t dance too fast

Time is short, the music won’t last

 

Ever told your child you will do it tomorrow

and in your haste not seen his sorrow?

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

 

When you worry and hurry through your day

It’s like an unopened gift thrown away

Life isn’t a race so take it slower

Hear the music before your song is over…

 

In a state of Grace.

When I chose to name our daughter, Grace, I wasn't considering the implications of the word. Rather, it felt right and we cherished the name. 

Definition of Grace: A virtue coming from God.

Since then, our infant, Grace, grew into a beautiful child who in many ways impersonates the nature of the word.

Definition of Grace: Ease and Suppleness of movement or bearing.

She has, however, lamented on her name: "Why did you name me Grace? I'm not graceful at all!"

Definition of Grace: A charming or attractive trait or characteristic; a pleasing appearance or effect.

After naming my daughter, I began to recognize the importance and value I place on all the characteristics of Grace. How very much I want to live my own life in a state of Grace.

Definition of Grace: The quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful.

Graceful. Generous. Charming. Virtuous. All attributes I aspire to.

Definition of Grace: A sense of propriety or right.

And now, poised with more challenges and opportunities for personal growth and knowledge, I seek Grace in my life once again.

Definition of Grace: Disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency.

I seek Grace in the understanding that within the confines of virtuous generosity, I must also extend those traits to myself, as well.

I believe to live my life in a state of Grace is a hefty goal but one by which to aspire. Gracefully.